Saccharine Irony

This site is a compilation of fluid thoughts, a collection of poetry, random glimpses of humor and tragedy, spontaneous notions of an extremely sensitive mind.

Stressful Week! Get Well Soon Mama! August 26, 2010

Filed under: confessions,Love — Aimee @ 1:38 pm
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Kristin Hansen Lagattuta/UC Davis drawing

Just when I thought this week would involve nothing but work and celebrations, I ended up spending a better part of it at the Capitol University Medical Center, after Mom got confined last Wednesday for hypertension. Now that was some scare. The jokes life sometimes plays on us are anything but hilarious. Staying at the ER for hours because her blood pressure would not stabilize was  like being trapped in a loony bin for days. Screaming here and screaming there. One patient was writhing in pain due to gall stones and another one was screaming his lungs out for heaven-knows-what. And the ambulance transport was one of the most hellish rides ever, both figuratively and literally, as they did not have air-conditioning. So much for rising blood pressures!

I was off work for two days now, and probably will be off work tomorrow as well, which is a Friday, and here’s me hoping and praying that we’ll be home by then. I still cannot stand hospitals and emergency room dramas, even one as luxurious as the CUMC, and I absolutely hate coming home to an empty house during the evenings, when my sister would sit in for me at the hospital so I could get a good night’s rest for an entire daughterly duty the day after.

Today I spent the entire day at the hospital, watching television, reading, assisting Mom with her meals and other personal stuff, running errands, receiving visitors, and gazing out the window where I could see an expanse of blue sky and clouds, later turning gray, wishing I were someplace else. Then it occurred to me that not all days turn out to be sunny, no matter how much we want them to be all dappled in sunlight and smelling of roses, so I guess I should not complain.

I just wish we were back home. I wish I’ll never see Mom in that hospital bed ever again, at least not for a very long time, and I wish I could see her busying herself in the garden again or tinkering with anything in the kitchen. And these days, of all days, I wish I had someone who would hold my hand and give me tight hugs, assuring me everything was going to be alright, someone who would crack jokes just when my eyes would begin to glaze over with tears, and tell me that I don’t look exactly pretty when I cry.

Today of all days, I missed being someone’s princess. But hey, princesses often get spoiled, and I don’t want to be a rotten fruit ever again. If I could find someone who can tame me without spoiling me then I’d gladly hand my independence over. Sometimes I wish it was anywhere between 2004 to 2008 all over again, those four years when I had everything I could have ever wanted, only I was too foolish and too arrogant not to choose what really mattered. And yeah, I allowed myself to get really rotten, that’s how stupid I was. 🙂

The one thing I hate about getting a really good scare is that it’s easy to turn mushy and sentimental all of a sudden, realizing how flimsy life can be, and for all its fleeting glory, sometimes, it’s not always about what you do with life that matters. “Sometimes, it’s also about who you’re with when you’re doing it.”

Not that I hate being independent and all. It’s just that it’s nice to let your guard down for once, and show the world how soft and small and vulnerable your heart really is, most sunless days.

 

My Bestie is Engaged! August 25, 2010

Filed under: Love,Women — Aimee @ 12:50 am
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happy birthday, congratulations, and best wishes Atty! Love, love!

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So, so so! We turned out to be right! My best friend in the whole wide universe who is also celebrating her birthday today got engaged last night. After seven years, she finally got the rock! Well, before we start thinking about the bridal shower and the stress that usually comes with wedding preparations, there is a birthday party/engagement party to be enjoyed later at the Philtown Hotel, so it’s going to be easy breezy for a while.

Plus I’m thinking of having our very own engagement party at the house, just us, besties, minus M of course, who is in New Zealand and won’t be coming home until May (in time for the wedding, I hope, fingers crossed!) of next year. Well there’s also F, one of our high school BFFs whom we’ve seen only this May after 8 years or so, and is now back in New York. Back to the house party. We’ve been planning on homemade cheesy-beefy lasagna, my famous strawberry-banana float (my personal fave :-)), and some nacho chips with sweet corn salsa. Perhaps, some margaritas too!

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white gold and a diamond

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With the way I’ve been jumping up and down last night, you’d think I was the one who got engaged. But no, not anytime soon, I think I still haven’t gotten over how wonderful being single and independent actually is. But I’ve always been a sucker for sappy engagements and happily-ever-afters, especially with friends whose love stories and love dramas I got to hear over and over again, so I guess my jumping-up-and-down-excitement is pretty excusable.

Love, love. Nothing is more magical. 🙂

 

Ra-ra-ra-ra-Raj! August 24, 2010

Filed under: Women — Aimee @ 9:06 am
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the glorious Venus Raj

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Hooray for Miss Venus Raj, the Philippines’ bet, who nailed the 4th spot for this year’s Miss Universe pageant, held at Mandalay Bay Resort in Las Vegas.

After the heartbreaking episode on August 23, 2010, just one day before, when a tourist bus carrying HK nationals was held hostage while traversing the Quirino grandstand in Manila by a deranged former policeman, this surprising turn of events on the Miss Universe stage has somehow balanced things a bit.

Of course, everyone in this country is still recuperating after the hostage-taking drama and everyone is agitated thinking how the Philippine tourism is going to take care of itself after such a horrifying scare, but Venus Raj almost taking home the Miss Universe crown offered some sort of respite.

Fourth place is not bad you know, especially after beating 79 other contestants. Raj certainly has come a long way from her humble home in Bicol province, and her taking home the fourth place among a bevy of statuesque and highly-cultured gorgeous women is already a feat in itself.

And yeah, we should all get off our high horse. Her final answer for certain did not blow the judges away, and may very well have cost her the crown, but I’d like to think she did the best she could.  Aren’t we, Filipinas, all like that? Doing our best under any circumstance. Resilience, flexibility, strength.

So, yay for Venus Raj! Another Filipina on the universe stage, and well, there is always a next time for that much coveted diamond and ruby encrusted crown! 🙂

 

Someone I Know… August 23, 2010

Filed under: Love — Aimee @ 3:00 am
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yes yes yes!

hmmmmm...

… is expecting a proposal very, very soon!  Another happily ever after on the horizon. 🙂 But before that, the bridal shower. More on this next time. Yay!

 

Of Wedding Hopes and Dreams August 20, 2010

Filed under: Events,Love,Saccharine thoughts — Aimee @ 7:44 am
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photo credits to Armand Ansaldo and Marty Bryan of Ansaldo Photography

This is a bird’s eye view on the breathtaking ornate altar of the Sts. Peter and Paul Church in Ormoc City the morning of June 25, 2010 when my brother got hitched to his long-time girlfriend, Carla. The long church aisle was dotted with yellow and red flowers – red roses, yellow mums and daisies, green ferns. There were also lighted candles hanging from gold-painted iron flower stands. The choir was lovely, and even lovelier was the fact that they were able to perform an amazing rendition of Chantal Kreviazuk’s Feels Like Home for the bridal march.

Someday I would love to have my own beautiful wedding, but I want more than just a picture-perfect one. More than anything, I hope to have a happy celebration, where there is laughter from beginning to end, and a few tears that signify happiness, nothing else.

Here are more wedding pictures. Enjoy! 🙂

that's me! 🙂

i love you, guys!

 

How to be Alone by Tanya Davis August 12, 2010

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts,Women — Aimee @ 3:04 am
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If you are at first lonely, be patient.

If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find its fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books, you’re not supposed to talk much anyway,  so its safe there.

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.

Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and meditation, no one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and silver ware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches  might have never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swaffed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences are unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life’s magic brings much, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

If you have an art that needs practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

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