Saccharine Irony

This site is a compilation of fluid thoughts, a collection of poetry, random glimpses of humor and tragedy, spontaneous notions of an extremely sensitive mind.

Petra Means Rock September 8, 2009

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts, books — Aimee @ 3:08 pm
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41ZN07GRMFL._SL500_AA240_I began reading the story of Petra Nemcova, a Czech supermodel, today. The book, titled Love Always, Petra,  is one of the hardcovers which I got on bargain at the National Bookstore, chronicling Petra Nemcova’s journey from her early years in communist Czechoslovakia to the glamorous world of modelling in her teen years. The book is an autobiographical account which includes her near-death experience in the 2004 tsunami of Thailand, and how she lost the love of her life during the tragedy. I’m still a few chapters shy of finshing Mansfield Park, and although I’m all excitement reading about Mr. Crawford’s proposal to Fanny Price, curiosity got the better of me and I just had to read just a bit about Petra’s story. I never thought that I’d be hooked. So I’m putting Austen on hold for now, though I’m pretty sure not for very long.

Today I got holed up in my favorite cafe again, which has become some sort of secret place for me. I was meeting with a friend there, before heading off to the jogging tracks for a one-hour run, and then dinner someplace else. Because I wanted some alone time again and because I wanted to read Petra’s story in peace, I came a few minutes earlier, ordered a fruit smoothie, and got buried in the story not long after. My friend came a bit late complaining of the traffic, but I did not mind at all. Of course I was happy to see her, after a few months of not catching up, and it was all girls’  chitchat and laughter from then on.

But now I’m back to reading Petra’s story, and I admire the girl’s reslience, faith, and strength.  We all seem to have the silly idea that most super models are shallow creatures. Petra however is something else. I had sensed this, even before finishing her story.

 

The Pastry Chef Wannabe August 15, 2009

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts, confessions — Aimee @ 6:36 am
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Patissier_web

I wanted to be a pastry chef so much I used to make mud cakes and sand muffins during late afternoon summers  in my childhood. My mom had a garden filled with a few flowering plants and orchids, small  stones and white pebbles, and lots of dark loam soil. I also used to tear the leaves and flowers so I can chop them and pretend I was tossing a salad, but nothing excited me more than  scooping soft earth with my bare hands and placing them in little molding containers, from Coca Cola caps to old Tupperwares.

If I had my way, I would enroll myself at the Center for Culinary Arts, take up a diploma culinary course in New York, and learn everything about the world’s finest cuisines, from exotic Creole food to the sophisticated Italian delicacies. Nonetheless, I think my weekend baking classes is a small step in the right direction. It’s not really phenomenal and the facilities are not exactly first-rate, but this will suffice for now. Today we made delicious pineapple and cashew boat tarts, after the orange chiffon cake and icing of the previous week. Next week will be sweet dough rolls or ensaymada, topped with generous pats of butter and lots of shredded cheese.

I still think pastry chefs are one of the happiest folks this side of the cosmos. :)

 

Me Time August 14, 2009

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts, Shopping and Fashion, Women — Aimee @ 6:53 am
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A week ago today, on a Friday, I treated myself to some ME time. Of course, I get to have a lot of alone time when working, especially since research and writing is basically a solitary profession. I also love my home and my bedroom, and I spend a lot of time during the evenings tinkering on anything I fancy- from a new novel to an old charm bracelet that needs a bit of polish. For anyone, these little things take up enough solitary time, devoted primarily to the fancies of the self.

But I realized, it has been quite a long time, years maybe, since I gave myself some alone time out of the house. I was constantly with friends, the boyfriend, and family every time I would sample a new resto or cafe, when I’m out hunting for sales and bargains at malls and flea markets, or during my trips out of the city. Lately, I was always out with a bunch of people: grade school friends, bubbly girlfriends, my noisy family, etcetera, etcetera. The busy-ness of late has left me with very few indulgences, especially those which I get to do alone. I am a social creature, and I do crave the company of good friends almost all the time, but there are times when I just want to get away from everything and to witness life through my own lens.

Suddenly I found myself missing the slow days and chilly nights in Malaybalay, where I would read for hours in a quiet cafe or order my usual beef teriyaki dinner at some roadside restaurant during 8 o’clock evenings. I suddenly missed the heady, giddy thoughts of meeting that special someone at the bus stop after a few hours, and get to walk the silent streets at night while holding hands.Those have been the sweetest of times. :)

Pushing those romantic memories aside though, what I missed the most was my independence and anonymity. In that small provincial city, I knew only a few people. It was kind of lonely yes, but those were the most indulgent times of my life. And now that I’m back for more than a year in the city where I grew up in, I found myself missing being alone, if only for a while.

So. It was last Friday when I ventured out of the house at past 3 in the afternoon, and settled  into some neat cafe downtown, bringing along two books, one a short story compilation and the other, a cheesy, schmaltzy romantic novel. I ordered a tall glass of blended lemon iced tea and linguine pesto with lots of olive oil. I ate without hurry, read my books slowly, and paused every now and then to look at the busy streets outside the cafe glass walls. I also allowed myself  a few thoughts and daydreams every now and then, and to smile occasionally at the people who would walk in and out of the cafe.

It was already dusk when my phone rang. It was Carla, asking for directions. She was heading to my dentist’s clinic, where she had a late afternoon appointment. After answering her call, I left the cafe, walked a bit,  and did some shopping at the nearest mall. Then my phone rang again. I told Carla I was at the mall, and would she like to join me? She was happy to; my brother who is her boyfriend had some exclusive all-boys party to attend to. So we spent the rest of the hours hunting for bargains, eating fastfood, and chatting.

That ME time really did me good, and although my good friend soon joined me after a few hours, it did not really matter. There are still so many late afternoons to look forward to. Whenever I feel the sudden need to just be by myself, I can always pack with me some new books, get holed up in a fragrant cafe, and pretend for a while that I’m visiting some far off city where I don’t know anyone.

 

Little Twilight Girl: a short story September 26, 2008

Writer’s note: I wrote this story based on true events almost a year ago. As I was going over my posts, I decided to publish this again at a more recent date. This is for all of you who never got around to reading it. I shall forever remember the little twilight girl in my heart, especially on late, chilly afternoons.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was right after office hours.

I was walking down a slanted road as the sun was beginning its descent. There were a few uniformed students ambling on the other side of the street, and a man pedaling on an old bicycle at a comfortable pace. To my right farther down below, ran a narrow spring surrounded by thick palm and pine trees, and bordered with overgrown grass.

At half past five, Malaybalay was already dark, and there was a nippy quality to the air reminiscent of Christmas midnights. I was going to a friend’s house for dinner, and already I was looking forward to the menu planned that evening: pineapple adobo, cucumber and tomato salad, warm organic rice, and ice-cold tea.

Some minutes into my walk, I noticed a little girl toddling ahead of me, carrying a small umbrella, and a plastic bag. She was a little more than a feet tall, and was wearing a floral-printed dress, only I realized a little later that the prints really were brown smudges brought about by years of worn out use.

I also observed a middle-aged man further ahead, turning his head to check on the little girl every few seconds. “Why can’t he wait for his little daughter to keep pace with him?” I muttered to myself, “If she stumbled on a rock, and hit her head on the pavement, he wouldn’t sleep another night in his lifetime.”

But the man soon entered a narrow walkway, looking back only once, while the girl walked on ahead of me. There were not too many pedestrians on that part of the street, and now I was already climbing a small slope. It wasn’t hard catching up with the little girl.

“Hello.” I said.

She turned her head to look up at me, and smiled slightly. She had chocolate brown skin, and black round eyes. Her hair was short and curly at the tips.

Kinsa imong kauban? (Who are you with?),” I asked her.

Wala. Akong lang isa. (No one. I’m walking alone)”

Asa diay inyong balay? Layo pa inyong balay? (Where do you live? Do you live far?)”

Didto sa Heights. Duol ra man. (I live in Heights. It’s not too far.)

We were walking on Springsite Street, and to get to Heights, you still had to pass a row of vacant lots, and a stretch of bumpy roads.

Pila diay imong edad? Ga eskuwela na ka? (How old are you? Are you in school already?)

She then attempted to count with her fingers, though quite awkwardly because she was holding a dirty umbrella with one hand, and a plastic bag with the other.

“Seven. Oo, ga eskwela na ko. (Seven. Yes I go to school.)”

If she was telling me the truth, I’d still find it hard to believe her. My three-year old godchildren were actually taller. She looked so small that the plastic bag she was carrying almost touched the ground.

Suddenly, she bent down to pick up something. She giggled at me, and continued examining her loot.

Unsa man na? Tan-aw ko beh. (What’s that? Can I take a look?)”

She stretched one tiny arm towards me.

Dulaan. (It’s a toy.)”

It was a black plastic cell phone casing. It was dusty and scratched in all places, perhaps tossed away by someone who found it useless. But she held it as if it were gold. Then I remembered all the toys I had when I was this young; the beautiful Japanese doll, my blond Barbie, my stuffed bears, and all my precious cookware play sets. And even at this twenty-something age, I still sleep with a pink stuffed pig beside my headboard, and a furry bear sitting on my bedside table.

Nag eskwela ka karon? Nganong naglakaw ka na gabii naman? (Did you go to school today? If so, why are you still out at this hour?)”

Wala man ko nag eskwela ganina. Kay masuko si mama, primi ko mangayo baon. (I didn’t go to school today. Mother usually gets angry, because I always ask for allowance)”

I was already at my friend’s house. But I walked a bit farther to listen to the little girl with the dirty dress and old umbrella, wanting to walk her home. It was already dark, and I could hardly make out the houses and trees up ahead, for the streetlights have not yet come to life. She told me her house was already near. So I said goodbye.

Sige, bye-bye (Okay, goodbye).” I half-whispered.

“Bye, bye”

As I stepped inside, I stole one glance at her. She was now walking comfortably, as if she had done these twilight walks a thousand times. I knew her house was still far, that she still had to walk through rock-strewn grounds under her tiny, callused feet, in the burgeoning darkness. She tucked her diminutive umbrella under one arm, while she continued to study her new plaything, laughing I know because she could hardly make out what it was.

That night, I half-heartedly ate my dinner. Later, I went to bed after a prayer that was longer than usual. But I didn’t sleep for several hours. The little girl always came back to me; the round eyes, the earthy skin, the washed-out dress.

I didn’t even ask for her name.

 

Happy When It Rains July 31, 2008

Filed under: Events, Faves, Saccharine thoughts — Aimee @ 4:27 pm
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I am loving the gray weather. There is something quixotic about cloudy skies, cool winds, and soft earth. I know I have always talked about loving rainy weather in my previous blog posts, but somehow, each rainy season presents something novel every time. Like how your pillows always feel more comfortable when the weather is naturally cold, and how there’s always an extra fifteen minutes dedicated to everything you’re presently doing.

An extra fifteen minutes before rolling out of bed (that is, if your career permits you to) because sleep was too delicious the previous night, an extra fifteen minutes over your cup of coffee becuase wrapping your palms around the warm mug actually feels soo addictive, and an extra fifteen minutes on reading your current novel, because you’re too lazy to leave the house just yet to do the grocery shopping.

Today I woke up to sunless windows, and the cold floor touching my soles when I was too drowsy to find my slippers. I flipped the PC on before I had breakfast, checking if any mails had come through the night. I know I have a 4-article deadline to beat at ten in the evening, so I browsed a bit and left the desk shortly. Breakfast was coffee, Mocha-nut cake and a teeny weeny slice of cassava dessert, remnants of last night’s (Pop’s birthday) dinner. Sweets and coffee are always sublime together, and what better time to pair them than during a cloudy weekend morning.

So. The rains have not started yet, and the sun has no plans of ever showing itself. I’m at home wearing my favorite pink and red polka dots flannel pajamas. And my purple furry slippers, given by a friend a few Christmases ago. The writing has been productive so far, and hopefully I’d get to finish all of these before dinnertime.

Come evening, I’ll be sipping hot spicy noodles on a casual date, relishing the crisp outside air, and laughing while holding hands.

Perfect.

 

Happiness, Love, and Everything in Between May 24, 2008

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts, confessions, that funny love thang — Aimee @ 11:41 am
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HAPPINESS

Is your life going the way you want

it right now?

i believe so.

Would you say you are truly happy?

yes. happiness is both a choice and a state of mind.

What makes you happy?

mundane and significant things. the rain after the hot spell, a good cup of coffee, laughter, blue skies, strawberry ice cream, holding hands.

Who makes you happy?

people who give me more reasons to be happy!

When was the last time you felt so

happy you couldn’t stop smiling?

i think it was when my article got published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer. dunno, it was thrilling for an entire day =p

Why?

because i love to write. and getting published is every writer’s dream.

How many times a day do you laugh?

i don’t keep track. but i laugh a lot.

What movies make you laugh?

Along Came Polly was super funny and another Ben Stiller flick, Heartbreak Kid! Liar Liar was also good. Bruce Almighty too. I’m a Jim Carrey fan.

Are you looking forward to anything

soon?

yes, looking forward is always better than looking back.

ANGER

Do you get angry easily?

i think i have a short fuse when people don’t listen.

What kind of things make you angry?

stupidity, insensitivity, dishonesty.

Are you ever violent when you’re

angry?

are throwing stuff around and slamming doors considered violent? haha.

Is your temper uncontrollable?

sometimes yeah.

What do you do when you’re angry

i walk out. because if i don’t, i throw things and slam doors. LOL.

Are you easy to calm down?

uhuh.

Have you ever thrown or hit

anything?

sureness.

When was the last time you got

really angry and why?

a month ago? because of my bullish sister.

SADNESS AND DEPRESSION

Have you been diagnosed with

depression?

newp, i don’t go to the shrink.

If not, have you ever thought you

might be clinically depressed?

depressed yes, but not clinically. depression comes and goes you know.

What do you think of people who are depressed?

they’re normal, sensitive folks. who hasn’t been depressed anyway?

Are you on any medication?

anti-histamines when required.

Do you ever feel depressed for no

apparent reason?

not anymore, because i love my life now ;-)

What kind of things make you sad?

heartbreak, children and poverty, marriages ending in divorces, religious wars, people not realizing their personal legends (read the Alchemist).

Do you cry often?

- no, not anymore.

When was the last time you cried?

oh, i think it was 6 days ago. When I watched Meet Joe Black for maybe the 5th time.

Have you ever been suicidal?

yes, in my thoughts, way back when I did not know better.

Have you ever self-harmed?

no, thank God.

When was the last time you felt

sad/depressed, and why?

last year, when I was stuck in the most awful job in the world.

L0VE

Do you believe in love?

Yes, most days ;-)

What are your thoughts on love?

it requires a lot. but the rewards are great.

Do you believe that love can make

the world go round AND make it stop?

figuratively, yes.

Have you ever been in love?

never been, because I still am.

Are you in love right now?

I think I just answered that.

 

Trees September 24, 2007

Filed under: Faves, Saccharine thoughts — Aimee @ 12:58 pm
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Last Friday, I traveled home with my officemates in a white pick-up, right after working hours were over. I was hoping the weather would cooperate because ever since that awful, awful episode when my bus got stranded for four hours one rainy evening due to a landslide, I haven’t been as keen on traveling through these parts as I used to be. Mercifully, the weather turned out to be beautiful, no rain showers or capricious winds whatsoever, and for two hours or so we were offered a delightful view of the green countryside, wide expansive skies, and the sporadic sights of small, wooden houses by the highway, and few ramshackle food and convenience shops.

But for some reason, I found myself staring at the trees for most of the two-hour journey, and have made a mental observation that when you recline further on the car seat; the trees take on interestingly peculiar shapes, as the vehicle moves swiftly along. There were trees that looked like lollipops and emerald cotton candies, and there were those that looked like pointed arrows and twisted spoons. There were trees shaped like giant bonsais (note the oxymoron), and there was one particular that looked like upright animal bones, without the cranium of course, because it did not have any leaves, and was powdery white in color.

There were trees resembling an open umbrella, and a few that looked like open fingers. And there was one that I particularly liked, jutting out of the side of a bridge, because it looked like those lovely trees found in photos of African savannas, the name of which now escapes me.

In time, my eyes grew tired from all the tree-watching and I dozed off; my drowsiness amplified by the darkening twilight. When I opened them again, we were steering down to the place of my childhood, and from where I sat, the city lights were clearly visible, orange and lovely, against the balmy evening.

 

The Haunted Dreamer September 18, 2007

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts — Aimee @ 5:09 am
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I am currently loving Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. I don’t really know, but the song just speaks to me. It’s actually a harsh retelling of what I should be doing with my life right now, but because of it’s nice, kind-of-positive tune, it doesn’t sound as harsh as I have personally deemed it to be. I should know because I’m always staring at a blank page, and actually my bedroom windows are kinda dirty ( don’t tell my mom), I just seem to have too many inhibitions for comfort, and really, as much as I love the sound of the rain, and the romantic, subdued atmosphere it brings, I hate getting caught up in it without an umbrella ( ask my SO; read: significant other)!

So, so. the song is simply, albeit pointedly, telling me, to “Start conquering the world right this very second, because for all its breadth and height, you’ll need more than a few lifetimes to actually get to do it!!!!!” But then again, I go back to reassuring my ego, and that yes, little baby steps will do for now, little baby steps that shall soon grow into monumental adult steps, very very soon. I know time is running fast, and honestly, I can’t convince myself that I love my job in this boring insurance agency, and probably never will unless they give me a marketing and/ or writing assignment, plus a hefty paycheck.

But, after hibernating for so long, I’m afraid I no longer realize what I’m actually good at. I love the English language, and I love reading ( though work constraints don’t always allow me to do it very often), and I love observing people, but I don’t fancy myself a good writer. i have not even written anything substantial in the past six months, and am easily distracted by so many things at once: a ringing cellphone, office clients, curious apprentices, my indispensable S.O., funny SMS, late night TV shows, Youtube, eeetceeteeerrra. I love to cook, I love to bake, I love staying in the kitchen, but I still don’t know if I could ever make a career out of it, unless I take a decent culinary course, or have enough money for capital. I am fond of little kids; learning their language is amazingly easy for me, and have been toying around with the alternative of teaching preschool as a profession. But. But because I am a management graduate, I have to take up several units of Education courses and pass the LET exams before I can teach in a primary school.

Which then brings us back to my day job as an office clerk/ desk officer/ remittance poster/ appprentice trainer/ documents filer in a small office I share with obnoxiously loud males. While I don’t intend this to be my lifetime gumption, i have come to love Bukidnon and its picturesque valleys and mountains, and the gentle, easy ways of its people. I can even imagine a life here — a nice white picket fence house, me typing on a laptop in my room ( writing, I can imagine), a hubby whipping me up my fave pasta, opening a quaint cafe, and weekly travels to the city, monthly travels over the country and yearly or bi-yearly travels around the globe.

There is yet too much in my life, however that’s unwritten, as Ms. Bedingfield goes, and if I don’t discover how to blot ink on these immaculate pages, I shall forever be haunted by the lost possibilty of conquering this world, breadth by breadth, height by height.

 

Paralysis September 14, 2007

Filed under: Saccharine thoughts — Aimee @ 6:19 pm
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A fairly normal Friday; decided to travel home the following morning

Too much work can be paralyzing. Especially when you’re stuck with work you’re not really too passionate about. But then again, it’s not just work that can send you into a subjective paralysis — anything that you are not too passionate about, but that which you are unfortunately stuck with, is asphyxiating. A relationship you’re not too crazy about, a home you can’t even call a home, a spouse you can no longer connect with, a job that does not inspire you — all these can drag anyone down to the dregs of desolation. I can now imagine why there are too many unhappy people in this world. And it all started with the fact that most, if not all of them, made the wrong choices in the beginning.

A new graduate chooses the first job offered him thinking that he made a noteworthy decision, and sticks by it for years and years to come, duped into the notion that a highly secure, stable job is always enough. A girl gets courted by an affluent egomaniac, and eventually marries him, believing that love is merely found in books but never between two people, or worse believing that the egomaniac she married would actually change. A spoiled rotten child follows the dictates of his parents blindly, never knowing how to subsist without the comforts of home, even at the ripe age of forty plus years. Or the proud career woman who keeps on searching for the perfect man, that perfect mate she has so consciously fashioned in her subconscious, foolishly thinking that it does and can exist.

It’s just amazing how one choice can alter lives so drastically, and how the unwillingness of making one can stifle the very nature of what our lives are supposed to be: free, spontaneous, independent and impassioned; flawed and unpolished in some areas, but sublime all the same.

 

A few of my Favorite Things September 12, 2007

Filed under: Faves, Saccharine thoughts — Aimee @ 9:10 pm

A bowl of mango ice cream; A glass of strawberry milk shake; Sinful, dark chocolate; Red sunsets on a long stretch of beach; Purple evenings/ twilights; Smell of the earth after the rain; Reading a good book on a rainy evening; The smell of freshly brewed coffee; The feel of velvet on my fingertips; The feel of silk on my bare skin; A wooden chest filled with mementos; Sharing a good laugh with my sister; My dog’s silly, tongue-wagging smile; Drifting, falling leaves on a windy day and; a bed of fallen brown-yellowish leaves under a canopy of trees; Silent, echoing, chapels and cathedrals; The sound of bamboo stalks dancing in the wind; A nice white hammock and plush pillows; Building sand castles (when they don’t even look like castles at all); Fishing through the dictionary for a new vocabulary; The smell and sound of sautéed spices in oil or butter: shallots, garlic, ginger, capsicums, chilies, and lemons; Blowing candles on the cake on my birthday; Separating an egg’s yolk from the whites (silly, silly, silly); Pineapple fruit or juice added in any dish: pork adobo, pepperoni pizza, hamonada, and my mom’s sotanghon; Oatmeal topped with fruit and raisins; Scanning old photo albums with old pictures; Prose and poetry, fiction and essays – reading and writing them; Watching animated Disney fairytales over and over again; Furry slippers; An infant’s toothless smile; The crisp, crackling sound a bunch of dead, fallen leaves makes when set on fire; Watching horses run, and mounting them; A bunch of yellow orange roses and calla lilies wrapped in lime green paper; A nice set of pearl earrings; Frolicking in the rain; The scent of cinnamon; A baby’s clumsy but firm grip on my pinkie finger; Exfoliating my face with brown sugar and baby oil/honey; Being lost in rows of aisles filled with a myriad of books (as in a bookstore or a library); Listening to a broad range of music- from Norah Jones and Frank Sinatra, to 311 and Enya, to Incubus and Coldplay, to Aretha Franklin and Alicia Keys, to Josh Groban and Andrea Boccelli, to Jason Mraz and the Black Eyed Peas; Watching a father and his young daughter together, whether on the bus, eating lunch, or walking hand in hand etc.; Watching old, gray-haired couples kiss; The smell and texture of sugar turning into caramel under slow heat; Achara, or green papaya salad; The sound of horse hooves on cobblestone; Chad’s smile, Chad’s puppy eyes when he laughs, Chad’s wonderful foot massages, Chad’s hands holding mine.